Smoke

In the past few weeks I have had at least two dreams involving soon-to-be former co-workers and cigarettes.

I have never smoked, and neither have these co-workers to my knowledge, and I don’t think we were even smoking in the dream so I am wondering if the presence of cigarettes is supposed to mean anything. Online interpretations are all over the map, and the dreams were not unpleasant, so I’m liking the representation of gathering or giving strength from or to a friend. How one gets there from cigarettes, I’m not really sure.

Some years ago I was on a medication that gave me the strangest dreams; some of them were scary situations from which I woke with my heart racing, some just bizarre and incomprehensible. For a while I was posting summaries on an old Twitter account with the hashtag #weirddreams because I knew I wouldn’t remember them in the morning, and writing them down in a notebook would keep me from getting back to sleep. I just went searching for them and couldn’t find them, so perhaps I dreamt that as well.

I’m doing okay, though I have spent the last week or so trying to get out from under the thundercloud of doom (remember the doom cloud from Dilbert?) that seems to be following me. I have several irons in the fire and at least one that may become an offer. It will mean commuting again which exhausts me just thinking about it, but I’m becoming more and more comfortable with the idea of moving on.

I can’t help but contrast this transition with the last one, when I lost my dream job to someone with six months of experience, and with it, any chance I had at continuing to do that kind of work for the rest of my career. I was devastated, heartbroken, and it took me a long time to climb out of the depression that ensued.

The job I took afterward, the one I’m leaving now, turned out to be a good place to land in spite of everything. I worked with a great group of people, I grew my skills, I fell into an unexpected area of career opportunity in line with my political leanings. It was a comfortable place to be for five years, but even without the reorg, I was probably coming to the end of the skill growth I could gain there.

Losing a job, and needing to find a new one is stressful, but not the rock bottom I hit the last time. I’m ready.

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