Purple post-thunderstorm sky
On Monday, I will turn in my work computer and my company badge and credit card and say good bye to many of my colleagues and the company where I have worked the longest in my career so far. In another week, I will start a new job.
Of all the companies I spoke with, I got an offer from the one I felt most comfortable with, so I happily accepted. I got the offer with a couple of weeks left before I could collect my severance, so Monday will have been a long time coming. I’m ready to go.
Getting the offer has taken the fear out of the range of emotions I have been feeling about getting laid off. I am still sad about the situation, but as it continues to take shape, and I see announcements about the filling of positions to which I did not apply, I do not see the names of very many of my colleagues. Each announcement confirms that I made the right decision not to apply to these roles. There are no learning people in these announcements. It is time to move on.
As the time ticks by, the emails that pop in to my work inbox seem more and more incongruous. Your password expires in 21 days (Great! I’ll be long gone). Please verify your inventory (I’ll be turning it all in a few days from now). Save the date for our All Hands meeting in August (Hahahaha!). Please sign the annual ethics pledge, and so on. There have been Linked In connections and promises to keep in touch, I don’t know how much we will, but I hope we do. I have vague intentions of sending holiday greetings. I haven’t been good at getting cards out for a few years now.
As the work has diminished, I’ve been taking the time to clean up, sort out, and declutter. This has been more challenging than I expected, and I feel like I should be getting rid of more. Some things are easier decisions. When I took this last job I had to buy a bunch of suits and jackets, because the atmosphere was very formal. They have gradually gone more casual to the point where it was announced a few months ago that employees can wear jeans (jeans!) to the office. This new place is a lot more casual and a bit on the artsy side, so I don’t need the blazers, but the scarves can stay. I went through and got rid of about a third of the books in the attic; relics of rabbit holes I went down at different times in my life, that I know I will not have time to pursue, or am no longer interested in. At age 50, the list of “I’ll never get tos” grows and the things you still aspire to narrows and sharpens. It’s not really a bad thing.
I’m cleaning out my work laptop and saving a few things to use as portfolio pieces. Most of it will be Diversity & Inclusion related. It’s the area in which I did my most creative work and it seems to be a highly sought area of expertise in the corporate world.
Five years ago I was desperately searching for some kind of meaning when my dream job went to a guy with six months of experience. I mean, I knew why it had happened, but I never did identify what I was supposed to have gained from the experience. I’m still not sure it wasn’t a complete waste of time and unnecessary drama. Yet the psychic cost for me was enormous. It took me a long time to recover.
This time is much different. I’m not sure what I’ll be walking into, but I am ready to open that door.